


Familiar Betrayal

by rawkfemme



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: F/M, Missing Scene, my head canon for Equinox
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-25
Updated: 2017-06-25
Packaged: 2018-11-19 00:35:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11302089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rawkfemme/pseuds/rawkfemme
Summary: A series of missing scenes from the Equinox episodes, giving some background on how Janeway was able to "snap" and become so single minded.





	Familiar Betrayal

Maybe she had stars in her eyes from meeting the man who had re-discovered a long lost species.  Maybe it was the comfort of being on equal footing with someone for the first time in a long time. Maybe it was that he just wanted her.

The move from standing on his bridge, hanging _the Equinox’s_ dedication plaque, to being wrapped in each other’s arms is an easy one.  Ransom had calls her by her first name in the privacy of the lift.  He apologizes and says that it was habit when he notices her face whip towards his in surprise. Familiar. That’s how he was with his crew, and that’s how he feels with her now. Her surprise softens to gratitude and she admits that it is seldom that she hears her first name anymore. She gives her standard platitudes about it being ‘lonely at the top’, but he is unconvinced.  Surely, there must be someone on her ship who has earned her confidence, and won the privilege of her company?

Her memory jogs to a lifetime ago and she loses herself in thought, staring into the middle distance.  Ransom notices Kathryn’s eyes sparkle with dampness, and he turns her chin so that her gaze meets his. He asks her if she would like to feel like a human again for a while, instead of like a captain...instead of...he never finishes the thought because his words are silenced by her rising on tiptoe and pressing kiss a gently insistent kiss on his lips. The turbolift is redirected with a single command and they soon find themselves in the corridor outside his quarters.  The hall is strewn with debris, and the lights flicker, but neither of them pay any attention to the chaos.  He holds her hand and leads her to a door so alike her own.  As her thumb draws circles on the inside of his wrist, she notices that his is lightly grazing her knuckles.  The feeling is comfortable. Familiar.

Before the door has fully slid shut, his hand are in her hair, fingers weaving thru the strands.  She wraps her arms around his waist, pulling him close and feeling his warmth.  Proving to herself that she is here. That in this moment, she is not alone. His lips are on hers and the kisses are unrelenting. But she matches his intensity, lightly licking his bottom lip to encourage the entrance of her needy tongue. She starts doing the math in her head; calculating how long it’s been since someone has kissed her like this.  But Ransom’s hand grazing the curve of her ass banishes the thought. She moans into his mouth and can feel his growing hardness press against her. 

Her hands go to the fastener at the front of her jacket and he follows her lead as they both strip off the red and black of command.  Twin turtlenecks are shed and eight identical pips fall to the floor. His hands pull the hem of her tank from her pants, and take a moment to graze the soft skin at her waist.  Goosebumps raise across her body as his kisses move from her lips to her cheek, then ear, then neck. His warm touch and gentle caress cause her breath to catch, and her breasts to press into him. The tips of his fingers trace upwards, under her tank, to the bottom of her bra. He lightly runs a finger along the underside of her breast, following the curve up the side.  Kathryn’s body writhes with the sensitivity of the sensation.  She needs to feel him, to feel the warmth of his skin on her fingers.  Pulling his tee up, her hands press flat against is back, reveling in his warmth and strength. In two fluid movements, both of their undershirts and Kathryn’s bra have been removed, and she and Ransom stand clasped tightly together, bare from the waist up.  His lips return to hers while his hand finds her nipple. His thumb grazes it to attention causing her breathing to deepen as he lightly pinches and pulls.  Kathryn’s nails trace light pink lines down his back as her lips from his to his collarbone.  He tastes of sweet and salt and she lets her tongue trace up to his earlobe, savoring him.

With one hand on her hip he guides her to walk backward.  She isn’t really aware that she’s moving until the back of her legs contact something solid, but yielding.  He moves his hand from her hip to the waistband of his pants, and proceeds to quickly divest himself of them and his shorts.  Kathryn glides her fingertips down the smooth, uninterrupted line from his shoulder blade, down his spine, and over his ass.  As she grasps it, she can feel his erection twitch against her.

As sudden inspiration hits her, she smiles into his continued kiss. Turning them, she grabs his waist and sits him on the bed.  She lowers herself to her knees and takes in the sight before her.  He’s long, and for a moment she’s worried that she won’t be able to take him, but she wants to please him as much as she feels he wants to please her.  She wants to feel him react to her, to fall apart at her touch. She wants to know that she can still be that person. She needs to know.  He’s propped himself up on his elbows and watches her with a sly grin on his face.  As she licks her lips and lets her tongue graze the head of his cock, he sinks his back down onto the bed, awash in sensation.  Her tongue draws a circle around his tip before she lowers her head and brings him into her. She raises one hand to assist her mouth, stroking up and down his shaft as her lips and tongue focus on his head. She brings her other hand to rest lightly at his base. Pressing and cupping lightly, she feels him twitch and contract with every stroke.  Kathryn keeps her pace steady as his breathing quickens and his hips thrust lightly with her rhythm.  Before long, his hands are gripping the sheet as his whole body clenches and stills, and she can taste him at the back of her throat.

As he recovers from his orgasm, he slowly sits up on the bed.  She’s standing again and pulling at the closure of her pants. As she lets them fall to the floor, he brings his hands to the waistband of her panties and rolls them off her hips and over her knees. He looks up at her with an easy grin and she steps out of the panties and smiles.  She’s not been naked in front of someone in a very long time, and yet, surprisingly, she’s comfortable with him.  Familiar.  She straddles his lap on her knees, his spent cock perking back up against her ass. With her hands at the back of his neck, she kisses him deeply, letting him taste the remnants of himself.  His hands are on her ass, kneading it firmly.  His fingers then quest around her hips and down to her labia, and the wetness that awaits him there. She shudders and moans at his touch, breaking their kiss.  Moving her hands to his chest, she presses his back onto the mattress. Slowly, she crawls up his body, until her pelvis reaches his face. Lowering herself over him, she feels his tongue reach to meet her. Lightly lapping at her slit gives way to firmer flicks at her clit.  Kathryn grips the ledge of the viewport and looks out at the stars that form their headboard.  His tongue is rolling and striking and bringing her quickly to a place that for the longest time only she’s brought herself to.  The gathering warmth at her clit spreads thru her limbs and swims into her head. Without warning, Kathryn’s back arches and her legs clench.  Ransom has to grab her hips to prevent the force of her orgasm from pulling her away from his touch. As she screams her release, he continues the onslaught on her clit, slowing his pace as she comes down, but not relenting.

Pulling one leg back over Ransom, Kathryn lays on her side on the bed next to him. His cock is hard again after its respite.  Kathryn’s hand grazes over his chest and firm stomach, and over his pelvis, talking his hardness in her palm.  As her fingers move to wrap around him, his hand grips her wrist and pulls her from him. With the other hand around her waist, he flips her onto her stomach and moves to kneel at her ass. Rising to her elbows and knees, she sees his steely gaze reflected in the viewport. After she’s dictated the terms of their foreplay, he’s in command now. 

Taking his cock in his hand, he rubs his head up and down the full length of her slit; starting at her clit, across her opening, and pausing to tease her asshole before moving back down.  The feel of his cock against her is intense and sends what feels like lightning bolts through her. Each time he moves away, she silently begs him to either return or to drive inside her.  His pressing against her asshole gives her a tremor of terrible anticipation.  She’s never allowed a lover to enter her there before, and she doesn’t feel that Ransom would attempt to without her permission, but each time he nears, she can feel herself tense.  He must be able to feel it too because after gliding the head of his hard cock over her clit one more time, he finally eases himself inside her vagina. She is so beautifully wet and ready for him, but she’s had nothing larger than her finger inside for a long time and he’s sensitive to that fact. He moves slowly at first, letting her adjust to his length.  But as she begins to moan in appreciation his thrusts quicken and deepen.  She raises herself up slightly and braces one hand on the viewport ledge and brings the other hand down to her clit.  Kathryn has always relied on her clit to come, and there’s no way Ransom would know that.  He has one hand on her hip, helping with his leverage and their shared rhythm, and the other hand is grazing over her ass, her hip, her back, and her breast.

Her breasts bounce with the rhythm of his thrusts, and the pinching of his fingers at her nipple sends sensation to every nerve in her body. She continues to tap and flick at her clit and before long she’s coming again, her body electrified with feeling and her pussy clasping around the cock buried inside it.  Before long, he’s arching and shuddering behind her.  His hands skim up her back and rest on her shoulders, kneading them lightly.  As he slides out of her, she turns to face him.  The air is chilly against her sweat-slicked body, but the look in his eyes seems warm and appreciative.  She tells him that yes, she does feel quite human now. He agrees, he does as well.  Being in the company of someone like him, of the same rank, with the same burdens and anxiety, feels oddly freeing and familiar.

As they dress, Janeway’s mind drifts back to multiphasic chambers and field generators. How short a reprieve can one have before the mantel of command is resumed?  As they leave _the Equinox_ and return to _Voyager_ , the last hour almost feels like a distant dream, save for the burning of muscles not normally used and the wetness gathering in her panties as his cum seems from her.

The second time they come together that day, their joining is frantic. The under stirring tension in the briefing room when she asserted command over him has left her remembering how she asserted command over him during their earlier encounter. She follows him as he returned to his quarters to collect mementos.  She chimes his door for entry and before its even swooshed closed behind her, she’s already shedding her jacket. She finds him in the narrow closet off his bedroom, packing a duffel bag.  She’s half naked by the time she reaches him and grinning like the cat who got the cream.  In a blink, her pants are off too, and he’s pressing her against the closet wall.  His hand his between her thighs, feeling how wet she is, from anticipation, from his touch, and from their earlier encounter. 

He takes his almost-hard cock out of his pants and moves her hand to stroke him. When he’s ready, he slips a hand under each thigh and lifts her against the wall, entering her firmly.  Kathryn hasn’t come yet and she tries to move her hand to her clit, but she has to palm the wall to keep from falling over from the position he’s pinned her in.  She feels full as he stretches her unrelentingly. His thrusts hit a pleasing place inside her, and as enjoyable as it is, it isn’t enough to get her off before she feels him seize and release himself inside her.  As he pulls out, he gently lowers her to the ground, pressing them chest to chest, and her head resting on his shoulder.  His breathing is deep and his brow is sweat slicked as they embrace. She may not have had the blinding moment that she set out to when she came back to his quarters, but she did receive a different type of release.  She knows that she is capable of making a man desire her and she knows that the past six years haven’t turned her into a complete shrew. 

As Kathryn redresses in the closet, Ransom waits in the living area.  When she crosses to leave, he’s unexpectedly cold for someone who has been so fully part of her.  He asks her to wait before the walks out the open door and then tells her something that she didn’t expect to hear.  While she was straddled over him earlier, watching the ancient stars outside the room while new stars formed behind her eyes, she said it.  Kathryn said the one prayer that Ransom hadn’t wanted to hear in that moment.  The one exclamation of a depth she had never admitted to herself. The one word, which the meaning of in that moment, was all too clear.  She said –called, screamed, cried – Chakotay.

=Ʌ=Ʌ=Ʌ=Ʌ=Ʌ=Ʌ=Ʌ=Ʌ=Ʌ=Ʌ=Ʌ=Ʌ=Ʌ=Ʌ=Ʌ=Ʌ=Ʌ=Ʌ=Ʌ=Ʌ=Ʌ=Ʌ=Ʌ=Ʌ=Ʌ=Ʌ=Ʌ=Ʌ=Ʌ=Ʌ=Ʌ=Ʌ=Ʌ=Ʌ=Ʌ=Ʌ=Ʌ=Ʌ=Ʌ=

Shortly, hints of treachery turned from whispers to shouts.  _The Equinox’s_ lab, alien genocide, and Ransom’s utter lack of remorse resulted in her hand being forced; she had to strip Ransom of command. Kathryn felt devastatingly betrayed. In the blink of an eye, she had gone from enjoying a partner on equal footing to once again being alone.  Not only that, but Chakotay had seemingly disobeyed her as well. Instead of confining Gilmore to quarters with the rest of _the Equinox_ crew, he’s trusted her - a traitor and murderer - and asked her to help.  Kathryn shouldn’t be so surprised.  It wasn’t the first time he’d circumvented her orders to assist a pretty blonde.

Before long, Ransom’s betrayal is complete; he and his crew escapee and take the field generator with them, leaving Kathryn and her crew virtually defenseless against the irate aliens. Two of her crew die in the ensuing attack.  Two more lives lost.  Some might have lost count by now, but not Kathryn.  She knows the name, face, and rank of every life lost under her command.  Drafting letters to families that may never be read feels all too familiar.

One might call it single minded.  Maybe tunnel-vision.  Maybe misplaced hostility.  Whatever the terminology, Kathryn becomes consumed. Her scientific mind knows that the victimized aliens were not truly to blame.  How could one hold an oppressed species responsible for rising up and defending itself?  No. The blame is to lie with the oppressors.  With those who had perpetrated genocide, betrayed the trust of many, and lost their humanity.  Ransom is to blame.

Kathryn tunes out any instance that the aliens can be handled.  She doesn’t want to reason, or communicate. She wants justice. Ransom needs to be found and brought to justice, and if they let him evade them know, they’d likely never find his trail again. That, and they had lost Seven.  Kathryn had a responsibility to her crew. They had to get her back.

Before long though, they’ve got their first lead, brought back to her, wrists bound and led by armed guards.  Led by Chakotay, like he’s bringing her the spoils of war. When she sees Lessing, she feels vindicated and righteous. He can give her what she needs, his loyalty be damned. Everyone has a price, even if that price is their life. If she can break Lessing, she’ll be one step closer to Ransom and to ending this betrayal and heinousness.

But for being a former terrorist and a self-purported ‘angry warrior’, Chakotay keeps getting in her way. They’ve disagreed in the past, but never like this. She thinks that he of all people would understand. Hadn’t he sworn vengeance against those who had destroyed his world and murdered his family?  Hadn’t he become a Maquis commander to see justice done where law and order could not?  Then why can’t he see the injustice here?  There is no due-process in the Delta Quadrant.  No Starfleet Command to try and convict a mass murderer.  There is just her.  She is all that stands between Ransom and his continued betrayal. When she relieves Chakotay from duty, she feels nothing, but when he asks her what’s happened to her, she’s surprised. How with his history can he truly doubt her in this? Betrayal and genocide beg for justice. It’s up to her.

She remembers some sort of banality about the definition of insanity. But more than that, seeing the fire behind Chakotay’s dark eyes startled her. He’d cursed, he’d called her Kathryn, and maybe he had a point. He wouldn’t be there to see it, being confined to his quarters, but she’d try it his way. To a point. What she didn’t expect was to see Ransom’s face, long and drawn.  The eyes that had gazed upon her with such heat so recently were now cold and narrow. Regret. She could see it knit in his brow and in his oath to save his crew.  She could see it in his self-sacrifice.  He’d given the aliens what they wanted, _the Equinox_ , and fulfilled her promise to deliver it. He’s been his own judge, jury, and executioner, and has taken that burden from her. As fast as it all began, it’s over. The debts are paid, and the betrayals absolved. Ransom is gone, along with the danger, and the familiarity.

=Ʌ=Ʌ=Ʌ=Ʌ=Ʌ=Ʌ=Ʌ=Ʌ=Ʌ=Ʌ=Ʌ=Ʌ=Ʌ=Ʌ=Ʌ=Ʌ=Ʌ=Ʌ=Ʌ=Ʌ=Ʌ=Ʌ=Ʌ=Ʌ=Ʌ=Ʌ=Ʌ=Ʌ=Ʌ=Ʌ=Ʌ=Ʌ=Ʌ=Ʌ=Ʌ=Ʌ=Ʌ=Ʌ=Ʌ=

Kathryn sits alone in her quarters.  _Voyager_ is quiet for the first time in days. She finally has a moment to think, to process, to mourn.  Part of her can’t believe that it all went as far as it did – that she went as far as she did.  But part of her now realizes just how easy it is to go that far. In a few minutes, there’s a party.  It will be time for her to strip off the grim look of determination that has been her countenance for days and to ease into the guise she normally wears; convivial and genial, yet imposing. Crossing the room, she glimpses herself in the mirror. This person reflected back at her is practically a stranger. She’s cold and withdrawn.  Where is that woman who so recently had stars behind her eyes?  Maybe she does need a dose of humanity. 

She can hear Chakotay getting ready in his quarters, the sound of him dressing and bumping around lightly breaching their shared bulkhead. She tries to push the images of Ransom and their time together from her mind and the sensations of him inside her from her memory.  Now is not the time to dwell.  It would be too easy to overthink and spiral, and to let herself be dragged into the darkness that comforts her busy mind.  As unpredictable as life is for her, this week in particular, there was an unexpected admission that she knows that she will have to deal with.  In a moment of total and wild abandon, lost in the throes of delight with a man her equal in so many ways, she called out for another.

She’s long denied herself any longing for Chakotay. But how is she supposed to maintain her humanity if she continues to rebuff the most basic of needs, that of the affection and comfort of another? She relies on his quiet strength and his support. But this latest bout with Chakotay has reminded her that theirs is supposed to be a two-way street. But when she’s shut him out, shot him down, and locked him up, why in the world would he ever trust her again?  How can they ever get back to a place of mutual understanding after she had betrayed his confidence?  How could she ever work through what she was beginning to admit to herself about her feelings for him?  The only way forward would have to be together; as partners in command and as trusted friends.  Anything further than that would be left up to the future. But she knew that she could admit one thing to herself for certain, that she needed him by her side. And with that, she grabbed the bowl of peace-offering croutons out of her replicator and exited her quarters.

 


End file.
